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  • Writer's pictureD. Randall Faro

Skydive Sober

Gratitude is good. We’re all thankful for some things more than others. Here are a few that, although toward the bottom of the thanksgiving list, are appreciated for adding to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Preparing to send in my IRS quarterly estimated tax payment, I noticed something that had escaped me before. In small print on the instruction sheet I found: “No checks of $100 million or more accepted.” If I hadn’t stumbled across that informative gem, my check would have surely been rejected. The remedy was simply to write two checks for $50 million each. I’m good.

Washington State, where I live, has a whole slew of laws that are vital to health and welfare. Several examples:

- It's illegal to use an x-ray to see if a pair of shoes fit properly. How relieved shoe sellers must be that they saved so much by not having to purchase expensive x-ray machines.

- You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. Just think of all the people who are relieved that they can only carry the lighter 5-foot-long machine gun.

- One may not spit on a bus. Thank goodness . . . someone might throw me under it! Plus, it frees me up to spit on police cars, fire engines, and ambulances.

Lastly, there is an actual law [49 U.S.C. §46316(a) & 14 C.F.R. §105.7(a)] that makes it a federal crime to skydive while drunk. This one surely saved my bacon. Having jumped out of airplanes numerous times, I will now be sure to abstain for twenty-four hours before ever doing so again.

So many things for which to be thankful. Even things which make as much sense at putting a tutu on your pet pig.

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